mother dearest.

I spent today sifting through old photographs with my mom, conjuring up memories of our past years, laughing at the personality that can, unbelievably, be captured in a still image.  In those moments with my mom, I started to realize just how grateful I am for the endless effort my parents made to make sure that our childhood was as close to perfect as it could be.

For today, in celebration of a mother who is undoubtedly the best mother I could have ever asked for, I thought I'd share some of the reasons I am grateful for her and the exemplary job she did raising my sisters and me (we could be a handful).

1.  My mom is an avid reader.  Many memories I have include my mom sharing her stories with us, updating us on important plot developments, and filling our imaginations with intriguing characters and worlds.  My passions in life, I believe, stem back to these memories, these moments of family and happiness.  I love literature, I love reading, I love the things my mom took the time to share with me as a kid.

2.  My mom loves the sun!  Summers and family vacations were packed with days of soaking up the sun, enjoying days near the water, and forgetting anyone else existed.  We reveled in our own little world, full of true summer bliss.  The memories made under the hot Colorado summer sun are ones that will never leave me.  The vacations spent on beaches in some of the most beautiful places in the world would not have been the same without our family.

3.  My mom is creative.  My mother's creativity provided me with unique ways to spend my childhood, which included some of the BEST birthday parties a girl could ask for.  I credit my own creative instincts to my mother and her willingness to spend the time to share hers with me.

4.  My mom is selfless.  Being a working mom, with two little girls, could not have been an easy task.  However, looking back on those years, the years my mom was working full time, I do not remember ever feeling neglected.  She went out of her way to make sure that we felt her love for us all the time, from notes in our lunches to volunteering at our schools, to taking us away on weekends, we were so fortunate to grow up surrounded by that much love.

5.  My mom is organized and efficient.  I doubt that we could have been involved in as much as we were, if our mother hadn't been as on top of things as she was.  With a color-coordinated calendar, she was unstoppable.  I am the well-rounded individual that I am today, due to her ability to juggle.

These are just a few of the MANY qualities my mother has that have in some way or another impacted the person I have become.  I owe so much to the commitment my mother made to us and our futures, that I am not sure I will ever be satisfied with my attempts to let her know how much she means to me.

I love you mom.  I love you today.  I will love you tomorrow.

lemons.

My life, along with my blog, was in desperate need of a good sprucing.

There are many significant steps ahead as my life begins to make room for another. No, not a baby, although sometimes I might argue him to be one. With a new house slowly being made and transformed into a home, and with a wonderful man by my side, soon to be my husband, how could I not see the future as a fresh beam of sunlight, promising true bliss?

Life's provided me many lemons, I sure hope you enjoy sweet, sweet lemonade.

my plea.

It is so easy in times of despair to have resentment, allow your anger to fester, and lose yourself. After my department meeting today, with the grim future looming ahead, I could easily do any one of those things, especially lose myself, but that's the last thing I want.

While I wouldn't say I am an overly optimistic person, I always try to look on the brighter side, see the situation in its best possible light. The main reason for this is that I can't imagine living as a pessimist. What would the value of life become to me? How could I wake up every morning and pull myself out of bed? I wouldn't be able to. The struggle between optimism and pessimism is a constant one. We are thrown so many things in life that cause us to be steadily balancing between the two, at times favoring one over the other. My goal is to never lose that balance, to never lose my ability to be optimistic. If I lose it, they win. They've broken me down, caused me to quit, to cry, to give up, to hurt, and to forget who I am. I won't let that happen.

I hear teachers talk about switching professions on a daily basis. I hear teachers discuss how they don't feel appreciated or understood. I hear teachers say they discourage their students from going into education. I hear teachers wonder about their purpose, who are they really helping? I hear teachers discuss the stress about the amount of work and frustration they bring home with them, into their homes, into their families. I hear them and it scares me. I catch myself nodding in agreement. I hear myself join in their complaints, and I am disappointed in myself because it is in those moments where I feel like I've lost myself the most.

I am devastated that my hopes and dreams for this career are being tried, questioned and crippled daily. I don't want to lose faith in teaching, but I am wondering that if I don't, will I come to regret it? Will I continue to put every ounce of myself into my work to simply be met with higher, more impossible demands? Will I continue to invest my time, money and emotions into the classroom, only to find that it won't be mine anymore because I don't have enough seniority? Will I continue to spend my nights and weekends pouring over piles of grading and lessons, only to be questioned by both parents and administration? Will I continue to attempt to build bonds and relationships with my students only to find out it's not enough? Will I continue to have high expectations for my students, but be questioned because I fail too many of them?

I pray that something happens to nourish and excite both my passion for and confidence in this profession. If not, are you hiring?

thankful.

At this point in the school year, I talk to my sophomore classes about talent. I tell them that no matter how talented you are, you won't go anywhere without effort, without the drive and determination to move forward. Fear, worry, anxiety, stress, and many other things stand in our way, but if these empty emotions don't overpower us, our talent might just be able to flourish.

Going into the year, I have told myself over and over to not allow the stress to control my life. As much as I love teaching, I have to remember it is my job. I should still be able to enjoy the things I love. It will prove to be a challenge, but I cannot let my stress, my anxiety and my worry to overpower me.

If I had let these things overpower me this summer, when searching for my very first home with Kyle, I wouldn't have signed my VERY LAST rent check today! The process was extensive, testing, and long, but we found strength in one another, and thus, our first home became a reality. I have finally allowed myself to begin picturing this life awaiting us. A life full of holiday decorating (which, I have to admit, excites me most), homemade dinners with friends, walking the square on summer nights, spending nights talking to Kyle on the patio, gardening while he mows, and simply being a couple. A home is the beginning. The wedding will follow. Our love will grow, change and strengthen. Our home will grow, change and strengthen. Our lives will become more full.

I am so grateful for overcoming my temptations to quit. I am thankful for the effort we put forth, because that is what brought us the fortune we have now. Not luck.